52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge – My Husband

I am REALLY excited to talk about him and express how thankful I am that he is the person I am sharing the rest of my life with… unless becoming a vampire turns into a thing and then we shall be IMMORTAL AND LIVE FOR ALL ETERNITY IN THE DARK SINCE WE’RE NIGHT OWLS ANYWAY. BTW this is supposed to be week 2.

My husband Ali is a Scottish guy from Glasgow. We met online almost 8 years ago and were friends for a few years. If there’s anything I’ve learned about him, it’s that he has the patience of a saint and is the best listener I’ve ever come across. He genuinely cares about others and will do anything he can to help those who need it.

I don’t speak about this much, but I grew up Catholic and HATED going to church. I always felt like I was forced to go because I was a stubborn little brat (now I’m just stubborn) and didn’t like the idea of having to wake up early, get dressed up, and leave the house… aaaand I’m still that way.  It wasn’t until I was about 17 years old where something clicked and I realized that it wasn’t just about me. I don’t know how to explain it but there was a point where I just felt like I had to join choir to understand everything. I joined, met my church family, sang every Sunday, attended a youth group meeting or two, and went to one of the big retreats as a leader. Then I turned 21, liked to ~party~ and basically just became a young adult without a care in the world and in some ways forgetting what I stand for.

During my cool kid party years, I got to know some protestant people who made Christianity look bad and started to resent Christianity because the people I met and saw on TV believed that God hated gays, hated minorities, and hated whatever is different from people like those in these certain groups. How could I ever associate myself with people who promote so much negativity and hate? This was so confusing for me as someone who was always taught to love and to forgive even though for me, forgiveness has always been hard for me.

I am not a perfect Christian. I couldn’t quote any verses from the bible by heart or memorize the names of the books and recite them in order, but what Ali did was teach me that it is about my relationship with God that matters. He has shown me that true Christianity is about showing love towards others, compassion, and not bringing people down because someone is different. I have already known this and have followed this both inside and outside of religious beliefs, but have struggled with my faith for this exact reason. I thought that most (if all) Christians believed that my loved ones were all the scum of the earth just because of who we are and that was the only impression I ever saw from people I’ve met (outside of my Catholic church) and certain groups in the media.

When I met Ali, I saw respect and unconditional care for others regardless of how he might have been treated. When I eventually visited him in 2012, I met the communii-5gnB6SS-XLty he grew up with in Glasgow who were all incredibly welcoming and not once were any beliefs or agendas shoved in my face.  It felt right and I understood why Ali is the way he is. He had a big support system who were always there for him spiritually. When he moved over to California with me in 2013, we went to premarital counselling at a non-denominational church that we found together and even took my mom to some of the Sunday services (which she enjoyed) and still went to my church that I grew up in from time to time. Now, here in Manchester, we have been looking for a church that feels right and it’s been a couple of years of going to different churches and I think we found one… that’s beside the point though.

I thank Ali for a lot of things. I thank him for being kind to me, for always supporting me, for loving me, for being by my side, for treating me with respect, for having a sense of humor, for putting up with my stubbornness but hardly ever thank him for bringing me back to my faith. So THANK YOU my love. Thank you for being patient with my growth in faith and for understanding that it’s hard for me to speak about these things. I love you so much and I am so grateful to have you in my life.

Struggling & Need to Recharge!

I’ve been struggling a lot recently. It’s not as bad as before, but it’s still taking its toll on my everyday life. I’m not crying all the time (because of being homesick anyway, DAMN YOU WALKING DEAD!), but I haven’t found motivation to focus. I can’t really focus on anything and feel overwhelmed. Even though I know how to solve these problems I don’t want to do anything about it and it freakin sucks.

There have been periods however, that I have felt super happy! I think that’s because I was away from Manchester and closer to friends and family, or exploring a new city. Where I live isn’t a bad place to be at all. Our little village is very quiet with everything I need basically just around the corner. I think the biggest issue is that we don’t have friends or family near. I work for myself and Ali is getting his PhD so we’re both constantly working and our schedules are always WORK WORK WORK. We do get to spend a lot of time together though which is something I’m very thankful for because I know not many people get that luxury. I never want to be long distance from him again and we all know that so I guess I’ll save that for another time.

We recently went to York for a little PR challenge to watch The Conjuring 2 and sleep over in a 600 year old Haunted House. It was so freakin cool because neither of us have ever done that before and I’ve never been to York. It was such a beautiful city with so much interesting history (keyword: interesting) that I was genuinely excited about it and happy to explore.

Last weekend we went to Glasgow for my sister-in-law’s wedding and even though it was a busy weekend I was so happy to be around familiar faces and just be around people we love and a city where my husband grew up. I don’t really think I noticed how happy I was to be around family and friends until we got back here to where we basically don’t know anyone or have close enough friendships with to just call em up and be like “Hey come over and be boring and watch Netflix with us.”

After coming back from Glasgow I noticed I felt like I was in a slump again. I have little to no motivation and I really do need a change. I think once we go back to California,  have a proper vacation and we don’t have to worry about work as much, I’ll be able to recharge and actually feel better when we get back to Manchester. That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.

There is so much to do when we visit California. I really wish it was a longer visit, but I’ll take 2 weeks over 0 any day! I’m most excited about Thanksgiving with my family and our little traditions that we have. After we have dinner (which is basically an all-day food thaaang) we either go to another family member’s house or watch a movie. This year we’re going with my mom to watch Moana and hopefully Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them. We’re taking my little bro #hunniezatdamawl to Disneyland and Ali is going to be a tourist in LA for the first time. We’re going to spend some time at Leo & Ken’s and have Friendsgiving, hang out at a bar with friends, have a traditional board game night with my sister and family friends, and hopefully I can convince my mom to decorate the house for Christmas before we leave LOL.

Talking about what we have planned so far is actually making me excited… so that helped LOL. I really should write in this thing more often. I’m pretty sure I say that in ever blog but OH WELL!

Thanks for reading and I’ll be sure to keep everyone updated through my social media! 11 days to go!

❤ Gloria

Rambling Intro – Homesick Diary

I can’t get my thoughts out when I’m physically writing so hopefully typing will make things easier. For the last couple of days I have been feeling very homesick. It’s nothing new, I’ve been struggling a lot with that this year but this time it hit me suddenly and I couldn’t stop crying all night. Any little thing that reminded me of how much I missed home bothered me and made me teary or I had to stop doing whatever it was that I was doing at the time.

It probably didn’t help that I was listening to “love songs” which is something I normally do! I love feeling all lovey dove-y when I’m writing, brainstorming, or planning out my week but it’s almost as if I had a breakup with all my friends and family because I don’t see them or hear from them as much as I want to. IT’S NOT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR’S FAULT, I blame it on time. That’s also not true because I know that I’m not on the top of the friendship priority list and I’m also an asshole so I’ll explain that more later.

To those who don’t know me, I am from California, my husband is from Scotland, and we fell in love and moved to England soon after we got married. I had visa issues in 2015 and after lots of stress and tears, we now are able to live in the same country and don’t have to worry about that issue for now.

We are visiting California for Thanksgiving and it’s nearly 70 days away but by then I wouldn’t have seen my friends and family for 15 months. This is the first time I’ve ever been away for over a year. I’m just going to say that I realize people have it much worse, but this is the first time I’m having to live through this so SHH. I feel like if I had friends near (those in the US and UK) it would make things much easier. I feel like if I was able to go back home every 6 months I’d be able to manage fine but we simply can’t afford it and don’t have the time. What hurts me most is thinking about the holidays. I always stayed home on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year hanging out with my mom. My siblings were always invited round to their friends so sometimes they’d leave. I personally didn’t feel like it was appropriate (for me) to leave the house unless we were all going to another relative’s house to celebrate (I did have close friends come over as well so it’s not as “sad” as it sounds, haha). So when I think about not going home and not being able to spend time with my family, I think specifically about my parents hanging out and doing nothing LOL. As dumb as that sounds, it’s what I imagine and it makes me sad. My parents usually have plans when we’re all out but the thought of it really upsets me. Going home for Thanksgiving was such a big deal and when I told my mom she was so happy and was so shocked she needed to just sit in her car and not drive. I didn’t know she was out at the time and thankfully she was just sitting in the parking lot. She said she was so excited that her heart was pounding. We’re having a huge feast when visit so that makes me happy!

Aside from being homesick around the holidays, I really miss spending time with my siblings. We always had fun playing together when we were younger and even though we fight a lot (as WE ALL DO) we are pretty close. AT LEAST I THINK SO. IF YOU GUYS EVER READ THIS YOU BETTER FEEL THE SAME. Anyway, even in my early 20s, and them in their teens, we’d have so much fun playing board games or video games to the point where we’re all screaming. I’m super competitive but we know it’s all for fun because even though I end up rage punching the couch because they are purposefully sabotaging me, we laugh about it immediately after.  It’s not like it wasn’t the other way around, my sister and I would team up on my brother to make him lose because even though he was the youngest he was somehow still better than us?! UGH. Even though my cooking has evolved since 2 years ago I miss cooking for them too! I also miss making them watch scary movies so I can laugh at them when they jump.  I MISS EVERYTHING.

Here’s where friendships come in. We’re all adults now, we all have our own lives and I get that. What I don’t understand is why I feel like I’m pushed to the side or an afterthought? Sometimes I feel like I’m putting in everything I can (and yes I’ve brought this up before) and helping to the best of my knowledge but still not be asked how my days was. With some people it’s like “help me!” and when I need a shoulder they’re not there. When I want to have a quality friendship time skype call people are too busy? There’s also times where I say “You can always come to me!” but I never hear from them LOL. Here’s why I feel like I’m an asshole too: I know I haven’t been a good friend to some people lately. I posted on my fb that I have no excuse other than trying to stay productive and distract myself from dealing with a bunch of crap that is out of my control but that is an entirely different story. I feel bad and I don’t know how to explain how I feel about these situations other than I’m so damn lonely and would like to have one group of people remember that I exist but also a jerk who doesn’t want to talk to another group of people *because* I’m going through a tough time. Can I just blame this on distance and the time difference? I’m going to because I feel like it LOL. I know the real answer to these questions but sometimes I just want to rant and say everything.

These are just my rambling thoughts, I don’t know how to process or further explain how I feel. I think writing everything down and posting to my blog will help me figure out crap and hopefully I won’t be as homesick? EHHHH. Anyway, thanks for reading my post especially if you made it this far, jeez!!

❤ Gloria

I OFFICIALLY Live in the UK!

So much has happened in the last year and to be honest I’ve been very quiet about it for most of it. It feels incredibly amazing to say that I finally live in the UK with my husband. We’ve been going through this visa process for a while and it was such a long wait but I finally have it and we can move forward! I can take my life off of PAUSE and do what I want and need to do. Before anyone asks, I can’t give any advice on how to go about getting a visa. The best and *only* advice I can give is to speak to a lawyer. We live in Manchester and I absolutely love it here. I love how gloomy, rainy, stormy, and COLD it is! People from the UK always ask if I miss my California weather, but I DON’T. I LOOOOOVE California and it’s my home, but I hate the heat and where I grew up, we didn’t have an air conditioner so it made it worse. Boob sweat for days.

I posted a video about Ali having to leave to the UK without me 3 weeks ago.  Normally, I am pretty private but I posted the video because I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I really did want to share what was going on because:

1. I was hurting so much because I had absolutely no idea when I’d be able to see him again.
2. I thought my subbies deserve to know
3. I needed to vent

The amount of love and support we received from everyone was so AWESOME. It was good to know that we still had support from everyone even though I’ve been absent on YouTube for the most part over what feels like most of this year. The main purpose of this post is that I’m just excited to be back here and excited to be able to film and interact with everyone as much as possible. I have some fun ideas written out and hopefully after I conquer this jet lag I’ll be able to GIT TO WORK!! I’M SO EXCITED! YAY!!

OOPS HAVEN’T POSTED IN *ALMOST A MONTH! – Update!

I’ve taken the time to post on FB about what my plan is for the new year in terms of my channel. This is what I plan to do and I hope to stick to it! I *will* stick to it… for as long as I can.. I hope. 😛 Here’s what I posted:

Me Monday – Things I love which includes all of my beauty related things or whatever I feel like talking about!

OOTD
Get Ready With Me
Monthly Favorites
Beauty Type Tags
Ask Gloria

WILDCARD WEDNESDAY! – I may post something comedy OR beauty related.. or maybe there’ll be NOTHING at all! LOL! This day depends on time and I’ve been watching too much It’s Always sunny ;P

Comedy
Challenges
Not So Beauty Tags
MAYBE Beauty Tags – WHO KNOWS! IT’S WILDCARD DAY!

Funny Friday – I’m sure the title speaks for itself but FUNNY VIDEOS EVERY FRIDAY! A lot of you are missing my new posts and I’ve been asked MULTIPLE times about WHY I don’t post funny videos anymore.. I do.. you just don’t see them for some reason!

Tita Auntie
Baby Smiley
Lyrical Lacey
Coco Chandelier ;]
Parody Makeup Tutorials

All of my videos have a designated day so be sure to check back each week! Please let me know what type of videos you’d like to see! you all!

I might start doing something similar on here. I like being able to go more in depth about what I’m talking about. I’ve mentioned this before and I like that people like to actually read these things LOL! Anyway, excited for the new year.

My Weight Loss Journey (So Far) and The Ups & Downs

I just want to start off by saying that I want to be as honest as possible. I’ve gone through a lot, as everyone does, and I really do just want to be honest. SO HERE I GO.

I’ve lost 40lbs, I gained 15, and I just lost another 10, leaving me at a total of 35lbs lost.

Let me start forrealzies at 2008, me at 20 years old:

1702_52737794347_9563_n 199726_10150198163899348_6777070_n

Aside from my obvious love of Taylor Swift & Katy Perry I was a LOT smaller than I am today. Went out going to a lot of cool kid clubs and had fun without drinking and being sober was actually preferred. Then I turned 21 and it actually wasn’t so bad, here’s a picture of me in 2009 on the way to a Halloween party

1916848_199051374347_6765499_n

Still a bit chubby, I noticed I was getting a bit bigger but it didn’t really bother me. I felt like I could walk around just fine, keep up with my friends whether it was doing cool kid clubbing or staying up all night doing what cool kids do. It wasn’t until 2010 that things actually got out of hand so0o0o0o0o…

I started to party and drink a LOT. I gained 50 lbs in 2010 and it wasn’t pretty. I was already pretty heavy but I started to notice a lot of changes in my body and the way I felt. My moods were different, I always felt like I was out of energy, and I just didn’t care. I have no one else to blame but myself. I will never blame anyone but myself.

This is what my meals would look like from Burger King for example:

1. 2 double cheeseburgers (or a double whopper)
2. large fries
3. onion rings
4. 2 orders of chicken tenders
5. large vanilla milkshake

I don’t know why, but I never thought about the consequences. Not once.

I would also order a venti white chocolate mocha with an extra 2 shots, and passion tea lemonade sweetened just because I could.

Now that I think about it, by the summer I looked pretty different. I don’t think it took me an entire year to gain that 50lbs, and I actually noticed from the pictures I’m going to show you that I think I weighed more than I thought I did. I’m pretty sure I weighed more than I thought. Here’s some pictures of me in 2010:

24912_425282159347_1574588_n 38622_476021754347_4183186_n 40948_490613234347_3760411_n  61938_10150092052764348_3425582_n48020_490613929347_6860863_n37958_10150092054019348_2016732_n149780_10150112596039348_3156825_n

Those were all taken at “flattering angles.” Even the one where I’m wearing a black and flowery dress. This is where I started to notice something was off. I was doing some auditions back then and I actually found them recently… this is at a “normal” angle.

1 2
Jumping ahead to today, I felt sick watching myself like this. I remembered how I felt and hearing how I sounded (which was sick.. literally I sounded like I was sick for most of that year) It was really hard to watch myself in those videos and it made me feel so crappy.

In 2010, I started to feel my heart racing, I noticed it hurt to walk sometimes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and a lot of the time I would stay up very late at night thinking I wasn’t going to wake up the next morning. I would leave the lights on because just in case someone walked in and I had died or something bad happened, they would see me. I didn’t want to be alone,  and he doesn’t know this, but I would sometimes sit next to my brother while he slept and his presence helped ease my anxiety. I had gone in and out of the emergency room at least 5 times that year. I always felt like I was going to have a heart attack. When I finally saw my doctor, she told me that I was feeling anxiety. I never felt anxiety, let alone knew how it felt, and I never knew what a panic attack was, but I sure felt like I was going to die.

This was a huge wake up call. Continue reading

I kinda sorta “sang” live in a video. Here’s why I did it :)

I mustered up some courage and sang in my Elsa video and was so nervous to post it. When I make a comedy video it’s obvious that comedy is supposed to be comedy. SO0O0O.. ok I’m just gonna type all of my thoughts. I really wanted to sing in a video and have wanted to for a very long time. I’ve done a couple where I sang and added reverb and I think lip synced which isn’t a bad thing but I’ve always been so picky about my voice.

I was so surprised that people actually thought that passed the comedy, they could hear that I could carry a tune. This made me happy becauuuuuuse ever since I was little I wanted to sing and do it in musical theater. I grew up watching musicals and Disney movies so obviously those had a huge influence. Some of my favorite musicals of all time are The Book of Mormon, The Last 5 Years, The Sound of Music, SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN, Grease, Hairspray, Les Mis, Miss Saigon, Moulin Rouge, Annie, Fiddler on The Roof, Funny Girl, POTO, RHPS, The Producers, Chicago etc, etc, ETC FOREVER. But anyway, I’ve always wanted to be in a musical. The thought of playing someone who you’re not (which I already do on YouTube) and breaking out into song in the middle of conversation might ANNOY a lot of people but to me it’s almost like a dream come true lmao. I remember always singing in public…at the flea market… just walking around with my mom and I would sing Celine Dion songs and she’d just say “GLORIA YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!” But I didn’t care because I knew it wasn’t embarrassing for her it was secretly ENTERTAINING Continue reading